Hole – Northern Star

Hole – Northern Star

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大概是2000年吧,对于正沉溺于grunge、punk的无边噪海之中的我来说,悄悄出现于打口小贩纸箱中的这张《Celebrity Skin》打眼磁带正合口味。HOLE的这第三张录音室专辑当时有两大卖点:一是此为1994年Kurt死后Courtney Love沉寂四年的作品,另一个则是The Smashing Pumpkins的Billy Corgan友情参与制作。可这些都不是吸引我并让我好几个月来反复倾听的主要原因,我所迷恋的,是Courtney这个女人混杂了嚣张与柔情而显得更加性感的声音,以及她所表现出来的之前作品中少见的沉静与黑暗,就如这首《Northern Star》(北极星)

这更像是一首不插电的作品。Erlandson漫不经心的吉他弹奏打开了一个空旷、寂寥的世界,Courtney慵懒的声音就这么响起:“我哭泣,没有人听见/吸气,盲者的双眼看见/浑浊,给我怜悯吧/尽管我万分清醒,我愿/在最黑的暗夜里,等你/好冷,没有一个人/可我还在,等你……”

这样的断句给人一种诗性的惊异。是的,这真的是一首诗,一篇夹杂了祈祷、悔恨、恐惧、希冀的诗歌。这个摇滚史上最著名的寡妇之一,这个据说是马龙•白兰度的外孙女的名人之后,这个个性独特的电影演员和前脱衣舞娘,这个吸毒、酗酒、不检,声名狼藉,在丈夫去世之后一直饱受公众指指戳戳、谩骂嘲讽的女人,于一个黑夜里独自凝望着北方最亮的明星,用沙哑的歌声倾诉着无法言说的孤寂与畏惧,祈盼着生命中的爱人回来,却又害怕迷失了方向,不知何往何从。因为北极星是如此倨傲啊,北极光是如此冰冷啊,天使们为之屈膝,世界在今晚会被他占据。留给祈祷者的,只有破碎、苦难、悲情、松林的避难所,以及坟茔上的火苗与灰烬。Kurt在他的遗书中深情地评价和鼓励这个和他吵过、爱过的妻子。他说:“我有一个女神般的妻子,她为理想和打动人而拼命努力”,“ Courtney, 请继续前行,为了Frances(他们的女儿) ,为了她的生活”。 据说这首歌就是Courtney写给Kurt的。细细地听,确实有那么一种压抑已久的悲伤在暗处蜷缩。歌曲过半后有那么几句,Courtney是扯着嗓子唱的,令人心碎。

如今,Courtney Love依然在这个公共传媒杀人不见血的时代坚持活着、唱着、暴躁着、抒情着。多年来,我一直为她的两张海报而着迷。一张黑白色,她裸着上半身,用奶瓶给怀抱的婴儿喂食,性感的大嘴邪恶地咧开笑容;另一张是彩色的,没穿bra而只罩着薄薄的毛衣,诱惑的胸部清晰可见,她张开双臂,金发飘扬,不羁而快乐地笑着。在我的大学时代,后者曾长期张贴在我那张苍白泛黄、灰尘蒙蒙的蚊帐里,多少次令舍容舍貌检查成员铩羽而归,多少次抚慰着我孤寂而叛逆的心灵。当《Celebrity Skin》的磁带听得快没了磁粉的时候,我又及时补充到一张打眼CD。这么些年了,一听到这首歌,我便不禁想起,还有多少人带着这种勇气和耐性,在最为明亮的星光下,谛视最为黑暗的内心?

And I cry and no one can hear

Inhale

The blinded eyes that see

The chaos

Bring the pitiful to me

Even though I’m wide-awake, I will

& blackest night & I wait for you

It’s cold in here, there’s no one left

And I wait for you

And nothing stops it happening

And I knew, I’d cherish all my misery alone

And I wait staring at the Northern Star

I’m afraid it won’t lead me anywhere

He’s so cold, he will ruin the world tonight

All the angels kneeling to the Northern Lights

Kneeling to the frozen lights

And they paid, I cry and cry for you

Ghosts that haunt you with their sorrow

I cried cos you were doomed

Praying to the wound that swallows

All that’s cold and cruel

Can you see the trees, charity and gratitude

They run to the pines

It’s black in here, blot out the sun

And run to the pines

Our misery runs wild and free

And I knew, the fire and the ashes of his grave

And I wait staring at the Northern Star

I’m afraid it won’t lead you very far

He’s so cold, he will win the world tonight

All the angels kneeling to the frozen lights

Feel their hearts, they’re cold and white

And I want you

And blessed are the broken

And I beg you

No loneliness, no misery is worth you

Oh, tear his heart all cold as ice

It’s mine

And I wait, praying to the Northern Star

I’m afraid it won’t lead you anywhere

He’s so cold, raining on the world tonight

All the angels kneeling to the northern lights

And I pray, begging to the Northern Star

I’m afraid it won’t lead you anywhere

He’s so cold, he will rule the world tonight

All the angels, kneeling to the Northern Lights

Kneeling to the frozen lights

Feel their hearts, they’re cold as ice

以泪洗面

2011.05.25.

本篇文字为“暖房”作者原创,转载或使用整体或任何部分内容,请标明出处。

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