Lou Reed – Who Am I?  (Tripitena’s Song)

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David Bowie出新专辑的时候，我去查了Lou Reed的近况，为他始终保持沉静与内敛而欣喜。

可能有人会问为什么看到David Bowie的新专辑会想要去探寻Lou Reed的消息呢？喜欢摇滚八卦的人们津津乐道他们和Iggy Pop三人之间牵连纠结的故事，那是部艳丽暧昧的电影，是伦敦潮湿的街区里疯也似地生长着的华美藤蔓，是穿过了美利坚一座又一座的城也依旧回响着的情色的喘息。可他们终究是如此不同的，David在舞台上的一切都是一场不允许瑕疵的表演，这是一种角色扮演，他乐于其中为之倾注热情，但那不完全是他。而Lou却始终只成为他自己，离开地下丝绒三十年依旧是那张淡漠的脸，不会竭力反抗什么，也不会屈尊迎合什么，不论是妖冶还是冷酷都显得更为真诚和自然，带着与生俱来的腔调，佯装不来。

我是如何开始听Luo Reed的呢？比起这里的丰腴，大一大二在龙海四面隔绝的开发区里，更能嗅到年轻人身体里那股想奋力摆脱无趣感和统一性的火药味。我们去校门口唯一一个卖打口碟的摊位上买高仿CD，一个垄断的市场会催生更多的饥渴和兴奋。那时候我刚开始听60年代那批人，觉得爱与和平是崇高不可侵犯的理想标语，觉得中产阶级的左派青年怀抱着世界的最后一颗良心，在迷幻摇滚和抗议民谣编织的乌托邦里想象一个不合时宜的伍德斯托克。后来，不可避免地，我要看到那张被加注了太多传奇色彩的“黄香蕉”，那支被Andy Warhol成功营销了的“地下丝绒”。它显得那样怪异，那样粗糙，那样轻浮，那样缺少统一性，这张半成品一样的东西蕴含着太多奇妙的裂缝，那是来自工厂和雀西旅馆的真实生活。Lou Reed几乎像是个被Andy Warhol捡回来的孤儿。那之前的他，住在每个月三十美元的公寓里，整天只能喝令人反胃的燕麦粥，扮演恋童癖为地摊周报做社会新闻的照片模特。后来开始在“工厂”里当个脾气别扭的异装癖，用他那廉价的嗓子唱爱与恨，唱早晨与夜晚。他所仇视的是整个社会那种假惺惺的人文关怀，他得搞垮那些，搞垮充斥那个时候的一切看似文化反思的无聊之举。这恰恰开启了另一种意义上的虚无，一种拒绝抒情的抒情。那张专辑告诫我“拯救”这个词的道貌岸然，而等我意识到《Perfect day》亦出自Lou Reed的时候，则更能理解他声音背后的意味。《猜火车》里的生活像传奇小说一样褪去了所有的真实，像存在于另一个世界里的英雄事迹，迷人的颓唐和不再寻求出路的潇洒多契合他那把嗓子。一首诗歌的胚胎，出自城市里的游荡者和多余人，这是Lou Reed的歌留给我的鲜活形象。

我自然会好奇，这个行走中的浪子，如今的样子。03年的时候，Lou Reed出了两张专辑，一张新作一张精选。那之后，他就鲜有高调的音乐活动，而是转为戏剧电影做配乐或和未曾联手的音乐人合作出些MINI的单曲集。在03年的《The raven》里，他延续着自己叙事化的歌词风格和念白一样的唱法，而其中一首《Who am I》像个偶有的异类，它也收进精选《NYC MAN》中，放在第一位，只是把原本娓娓道来的轻柔和逐渐释放开的情绪换成了一开始就颇为激烈的诘问。“Sometimes I wonder who am I,The world seeming to pass me by ,A younger man now getting old,I have to wonder what the rest of life will hold.”这莫不是老Lou在感叹自己的生命吗。确实，其中依旧有诗歌，有絮语，但这首歌的编曲和解构显得那么老套和庸俗，一点不是他所惯有的优雅的粗糙，甚至在最后，它显得有那么些过于恢弘大气，起先我感叹他似乎也要借由这样的歌来写一部无趣的赞歌吗，我奚落他低沉的烟酒嗓不适合完整的严丝合缝的流水线作品。可后来觉得这是一种沉淀后的情怀吧，带着些许的忧郁些许不甘愿，他最好地回应了我的好奇。我想这是一种更为宽厚的情感，包裹着时光和风雨。

Sometimes I wonder who am I

The world seeming to pass me by

A younger man now getting old

I have to wonder what the rest of life will hold

I hold a mirror to my face

There are some lines that I could trace

To memories of loving you

A passion that breaks reason in two

I, I, I have to think and I have to think and stop me now

If reminisces make you frown

One thinks of what one hoped to be

And then faces reality

I wonder who started all this

Was God in love and gave a kiss

To someone who later betrayed?

And God, less love, sent us away?

Sometimes I wonder who am I

Who made the trees, who made the sky?

Who made the storms, who made heartbreak?

I wonder how much life I can take

I see at last a future self

Were you alive, I’d ask your help

But thinking puts me in a daze

And thinking never helped me anyway

You always were so negative

You never saw the positive

You always stand upon the edge

And dream of what it must be to be dead

I know I like to dream a lot

And think of other worlds that are not

I hate that I need air to breathe

I’d like to leave this body and be free

You’d like to float like a mystic child

You’d like to kiss an angel on the brow

You’d love to solve the mystery of live

By cutting someone’s throat or removing their heart

You’d like to see it beat

You’d like to hold your eyes

And though you know I’m dead

You’d like to hold my thighs

If it’s wrong to think on this

To hold the dead past, to hold the dead past in your fist

Why were we, why were we given memories?

Let’s lose our minds, be set free

Sometimes I wonder who am I

The world seeming to pass me by

A younger man now getting old

I have to wonder what the rest of life will hold

I wonder, I wonder who started all this, oh

Was God in love and, was God in love and gave a kiss

To someone who later betrayed?

And God less love sent us away

To someone who later betrayed

God less love sent us away

To someone who later betrayed

God less love sent us away

Hideto

2013.05.29.

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